I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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