just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
