Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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