I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
