remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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