??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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