Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
