Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
