Whatcha textin bout Willis?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
