bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize