You're my little dorito
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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