you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
