I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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