Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he told me I talked like a deaf person
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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