I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
