You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
