im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
