he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
