Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How does one acquire holy water?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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