He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Screwed.edu
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize