Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
