so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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