i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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