Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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