just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize