Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
