I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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