Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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