I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
