This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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