Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
