if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize