if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
