I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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