Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
