hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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