I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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