Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
