Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
