Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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