he thought i was a dude.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it penis luge time yet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
