During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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