Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
