Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
