I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
