Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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