My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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