considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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