five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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