trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
