you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
