My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
