i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
