there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize