Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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