just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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