they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
