kristin has been a bad kristin
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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