this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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