I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
