You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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