I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
