if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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