I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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