She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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