I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
