i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
