it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
