Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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