I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize