I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
PANTIES FOUND
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
