I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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