his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
