I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
