if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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