just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
how drunk are you?
Several
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize