I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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