Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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