Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
