im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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