we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
