Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
