Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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