I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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