ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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