My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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