idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
