Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ugly people sure do ruin things
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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