You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
