my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
