my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
