Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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