I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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