you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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